short funny affirmations
I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. 248. I try to see the funny side of every situation., 3. See more ideas about sarcastic, funny quotes, funny. My chins are a stairway to heaven. "Start each day with a positive thought and a grateful heart.". Yeah, so is a grenade. Today, I acknowledge the time I have spent over the week. I'm a peli-can! Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. 82. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. I love my kids, which means I am doing just fine. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. 8. 184. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. And a funny bone., 10. 3. 61. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. 53. Thank God Im an atheist. Bill Murray, 257. I can have peace, even when people irritate me.. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. Live life to the fullest. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. If you woke up feeling drained and blurry, these funny affirmations will boost your energy and get you ready to slay the day! Who cares about the future? 208. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. Funny Positive Affirmations For Work. Heres some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. 119. The only power you have is the word no. But you're not as old as you're going to be.". Theres no stopping me now. Expect nothing and appreciate everything. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! 260. 66. Charles M. Schulz Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. Honolulu, its got everything. Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. 206. So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, youll be starting your days using affirmations. 162. A gummy bear. First, read the most powerful affirmations below to build a strong mind. I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. Chris Rock Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. 89. 26. Short Funny Quotes. 215. I feel great. 107. Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. 190. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! What did one ocean say to the other ocean? 16. 3. Be careful when you follow the masses. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. If you are looking for a way to get more laughs in your day, try some of these funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. Ted Turner. Im amusing and make the people around me happy. Youre basically a houseplant with complicated emotions., 11. I am wise enough to make the same mistake again!, 8. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. A mind is like a parachute. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. Take a look! Chop your own wood. 2. 213. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. The rest are too expensive. When they go away, its a brighter day. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. Im like a postage stamp. Life is always easier with some humor, smiles, laughter and fun. It gets toad away. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. Positive affirmations aren't about tricking kids into mentally looking at life with eyes that only see what they want to see. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade., 14. You may hear crickets when you try to tell a joke. 269. 25. I intend to live forever. Quotes that make no sense Photo: pexels.com (modified by author) Source: UGC. 2. 112. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. ". Everyone brings happiness to this office. I love my job only when Im on vacation. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. I live in a loving, nurturing, safe, and beautiful world. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. I didnt fall, Im just spending some quality time with the floor. 91. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. Which affirmation put a smile on your face? 221. Send me the link. Keep your affirmations in the present. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Why cant you trust an atom? I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. Albert Einstein, 190. 276. It doesnt work if it is not open. I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. 25. Looking for positive funny affirmations? Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. 49. Cindy from Marzahn. - George Burns. "Your mistakes don't define you.". I overcome fears by following my dreams. You can use affirmations to alleviate pressure in highly stressful scenarios, like taking an exam or going to a job interview. Please excuse me while I go check the plumbing. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. - Bob Hope. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. 6. Groucho Marx. 35. Watch popular content from the following creators: Maaryfairyy(@maaryfairyy), Jasmines Garden(@jasminesgarden23), Dazley(@dazzlemeup), JaySean(@jaysean), Nathalie Munoz(@nathaliemunozx3) . 253. These little phrases can be said aloud or written down anywhere to remind yourself that everything will turn out okay. These affirmations are funny, humorous, witty and sarcastic for work, friends, family, mom, to boost your self-esteem, confidence and strength. Take a dose of encouragement from your positive affirmations whenever youre feeling down. Look, youre smiling! Because they make up everything. I don't entertain negativity in any shape or form. I am constantly growing and improving. 105. How Do People Share The News About Their Engagements? I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. 97. Live life to the fullest. What is the tallest building in the entire world? I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me., 14. Im laughing at the confusion and smiling through the tears. 33. Can February march? Its okay if people dont like me. Some when they enter, some when they leave. 156. 158. Get help beating negative thinking by reciting positive affirmation every day. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. Im still gonna do dumb stuff, only slower., See also: 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 8. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. I just go normal from time to time. 201. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. You never run out of things that can go wrong. 36. In between, I am alive. Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny., 4. Dear Monday, my mama doesn't like you and she likes everyone. Pat Sajak, 41. Get Love Tips Sent Straight To Your Inbox. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. Not looking at the price tag when Im shopping., 11. I will drink my coffee and conquer my day. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. Envelope. Because he was always spotted. Im a work in progress without a completion date., See also: 120 Ultimate Best Quotes About Progress To Fuel Your Growth. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. 266. "In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come.". 39. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. 67. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! 15. George Burns, 253. Raimonda.B. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. 215. I tried, but they wanted cash. 179. Because seven ate nine. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. Not everyone has good taste., 3. 23. 224. I train my body. Take some time each day to go through these funny affirmations for self-esteem and see how your mood shifts in response. 173. 219. I can have peace, even when people irritate me. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. You were too lazy to read that number. 18. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. 233. I dont have everything I want, but I have all I need. Milton Berle, 245. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. The older I get, the more I start ignoring my friends. 10. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde, 5. Steve Martin, 254. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome., 15. "It's only WednesdayHang in there!". Finding humor in a difficult situation helps me win. 126. (John 14:27) 27. 224. I can't make everyone happy, I'm not tequila. Using affirmations can significantly impact your outlook on life, but saying such serious statements to yourself can often make you feel silly. 1. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. 75. 18 Funny Positive Affirmations. 169. Rodney Dangerfield. P.D. I am just making myself capable enough to live in the moment. 83. Hes dreaming too. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. 132. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. Declare your affirmations slowly and clearly. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits. 196. Love your enemies. 8. "You have to be odd to be number one.". Sincerely, yourself. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. My funny vibes attract my happy tribe. 86. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. 63. Ann Landers Art doesnt transform. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. 23. Related Post: 201 Awesome Short Inspirational Quotes About Life. Lily Tomlin, 242. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up. Here is a list for you that has all the funny affirmations: I am making myself laugh every time I say any sarcastic word. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes., 2. Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. Walter Bagehot 27. 2. The best things in life are free. 213. Its okay if people dont like me. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. I am on a seafood diet. Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win., 5. 187. 226. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. I intend to live forever. Chris Rock, 256. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. 244. 81. My jokes do. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? I can create positive change in the world. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. 166. Over time, when you use these affirmations, your mind begins to equate new words with weight loss. 68. Socrates. Roy Lichtenstein. 24. What is Mozart doing right now? Cry a river. 262. Not sure who to credit this meme to, but kudos. We may speak different languages, but we all laugh the same. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. 'If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some.'. Erma Bombeck. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well., 13. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. I am intelligent. 117. Why was six scared of seven? 163. 207. I teach my kids good things in sarcastic ways. Robert A. Heinlein Granted, it can be challenging to write affirmations, especially if you havent done it before. 74. Never forget that broken crayons can also color. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. 118. 57. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. 274. 150. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? "Being funny doesn't take much effort.". Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. It takes so little to change your life! Never ask a starfish for directions. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? It equates "weight loss" with thoughts like: I can. New year, new me. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go., 5. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? Even if youre a skeptic, you must admit these funny affirmations really work. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. 34. How do trees access the internet? Steven Alexander Wright Some people are like clouds. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. I am attractive just as I am. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. 160. 26. 226. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. 217. Without further ado, let's look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. 27. Maybe Monday doesn't like you either. 38. 177. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. I did not trip and fall. Effective pushing often involves poop. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. 11. 48. You cant have everything, where would you put it? 236. Its not easy staying motivated for work all the time. When nothing is going right, go left. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. Positive music, resilience, inner strength and a growth mindset lead to success!. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. Inspiring Quotes About Life "Here, we like to keep you inspired by showing you beautiful words of wisdom based . "After 30, a body has a mind of its own.". Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. Good morning! 225. It will warm you twice unknown. My body deserves love. Affirmations can either be written down, spoken out loud, or visualized in the form of a conversation between money and you. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. I ve had great success using daily affirmations for my personal development. Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart., 4. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. Gary Delaney "I make people laugh, whether it's with me or at me.". Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. If you're going to be thinking, you may as well think big. You need some sort of way to offset the inevitable stressors of life, and what better way to do that than with humor? IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. 110. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. Being funny seems to be taking less effort. 161. 21. 241. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know And, it doesnt have to be hard or complicated! 185. I am calm, patient and at peace. Whenever I get back home, I lose all the superpowers that I had when with friends. Im sure youve heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily. 9. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. 250. You can think about your affirmations at work, while driving, when you practice yoga, and when you spend time with your . Happy Birthday.". The rest are too expensive. 71. 183. 4. 131. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? They log in. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, theyll start using it. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. But it'll move up again.". Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. You were too lazy to read that number. Ken Dodd I am passing all the things and hardships with a smile. I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. 130. 137. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. 64. He who laughs last didnt get it. 123. no rich foods. 171. 165. I personally love watching masters of comedy, Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre. 3. 147. 171. Im not lazy, Im just very relaxed. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. I try to see the funny side of every situation. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? Start as soon as you wake up in the morning. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. My jokes do. I wish my wallet came with free refills. This is the beauty of funny affirmations. 28. Affirmations can be written in a journal, spoken out loud, or visualized as a conversation between you and money. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. 73. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations. This is a good thing because affirmations are supposed to be associated with happiness and positive emotions. Sometimes the M is silent. We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. I did it! Its called tomorrow. 5. So far, so good. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. It has nothing new to tell you. 218. 59. I am here not to compete because I know I am neither the fastest nor the smartest. 4. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth., 9. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. Your mind will naturally focus more on the positive things that happen that day rather than the negatives. I understand people talking about me. You can write them on sticky notes to set on your mirror, on the notes app in your phone for on-the-go encouragement, or you can simply memorize your favorites and recite . 205. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. All you need is love. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. 47. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. Sometimes I am so freaking awesome, I blow my own mind. The most important aspect is being honest with yourself and opting for a meaningful statement. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. 249. Alison Boulter Awesome things will happen today if you choose not to be miserable., 7. Make it inspiring. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor., 4. 252. If youre just starting your affirmation journey, you might feel skeptical at first. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. I am intelligent. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. Send me the link. 268. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. Feel free to share with friends and family on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, WhatsApp, Twitter and more to motivate them every morning. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. 200. Good morning! I believe in what's possible for me. I dont want to fix my spending habits. 69. "Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.". Sharing quotes, proverbs, and sayings of great authors to touch people's lives to make it better. If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 -9 years, you can believe in yourself for at least 5 minutes. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. Fortunately, theres a way to reap the benefits of these powerful statements by giving them a humorous twist. 103. I want to afford them., 2. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. 195. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. If you see affirmations that say " I will, " " I used to, " or " I'm going to, " then this is NOT an affirmation. I dont suffer from insanity. I love living in my unique female body. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. I get up, dress up, and show up. 107. [click_to_tweet tweet=I can always think of something funny to say. quote=I can always think of something funny to say. theme=style4], 2023 Oldtown Publishing LLC 479 State Route 17 N I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. 176. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. Unit #2007 Mahwah, NJ 07430, 50 Funny Affirmations for Confidence, Motivation, and Self-Love, 39 Movies about Friendship and Being with Great People, Relationship OCD: Symptoms, Causes, and How to Treat, 45 Best Hobbies for Couples to Share Together, 51 Passion Project Ideas & Examples List for 2023, 21 Best Films That Explore Mental Illness, 41 Words of Encouragement for Someone in Jail, The 5 Best Vitamins for Anxiety (Our 2023 Review), 101 Toxic People Quotes to Stay Away from Negativity, 57 Strong Mom Quotes About Being a Powerful Parent, 7 Steps to Deal with Emotionally Unavailable Parents, 35 Best Songs About What Its Like to Have Anxiety. Snowballs. 181. Daily affirmation: your hair is so much better than it was in middle school., 2. I will be the type of person I would like my children to become. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? 56. 197. 108. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . "I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. 175. 126. These 50 funny affirmations will help you feel better about yourself while keeping a wide smile on your face. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. 267. - Bette Midler. 94. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. 101. - Jack London. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. Funny Wednesday Work Quotes. Bill Murray Jackie Collins, 240. Oh sheet! 8. Good morning! My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. We'll get to that later. 235. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. Perhaps youre just starting to use affirmations and still cant take yourself seriously. 125. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. Helen Giangregorio. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. No man goes before his timeunless the boss leaves early. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. 219. 237. 141. A wishbone. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please. 167. I tried, but they wanted cash. Reciting witty affirmations can help you rise above any problems you encounter. Bill Murray I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. 23. Read next: 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset, Posted on Published: January 26, 2023- Last updated: January 27, 2023, Home 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, Fabulous List Of 120 Cute Names To Call Your Crush, 120 Follow Your Dreams Quotes To Keep You On The Track. Sam Levenson I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. They have shown me exactly who I do not want to be., 15. Once you're feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. 45. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. 149. 44. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. Read the first word again. What do I do for a living? [click_to_tweet tweet="Things are getting better all the time" quote="Things are getting better all the time" theme="style4] Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. Ive collected 90 funniest affirmations from different sources on the web that will help you start a day in a positive manner. I am grateful for that time. Whatever you must do todaydo it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman cape., 2. My farts aren't nearly as bad as my dogs'. 245. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from the inside., 11. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full., 11. 23. 36. A backbone. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. Affirmations are an opportunity to be honest with ourselves and recognize that we have a treasure trove of power and creativity within us. My liver still works. Bill Murray, 260. Roy Lichtenstein 277. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run.
Moravian Funeral Liturgy,
City Of Miami Beach Permit Application,
Celebrities That Live In Carpinteria,
Articles S
