husband doesn t want to go on family vacation

I do think raising, where you live, and a worldly perception of Vegas play in. Me too!.which is probably why Im not married ;). Either way, its important for both ofyou tocommunicate about such animportant issue sothat things dont escalate further than necessary. I have a 3 yr old, almost 2 yr old, and 2 month old. I personally hate Vegas, but I would never question the idea of sending a business trip there because its typically the cheapest place you can gather people from offices all over the continent. Vegas has a convenient airport, massive conference facilities, and tons of hotels that cater to business travelers. On work travel, it looks like meeting rooms and the booth in the exhibit hall. It was a realllllly boring upbringing. From the outside, his train of thought is totally irrational. If he gets therapy and can get his anxiety and toxic masculinity under control, that would be one thing. Everyones mileage will vary of course, but thats the choice I made. They have PUDDING, OP. That actually happened to my parents! Many people we know (work, friends, sometimes family) just cant wrap their head around the fact that we dont need to be joined at the hip 24/7 and that were not jealous. Either hes got anxiety driving him to act out this way, which can be addressed with talk therapy to learn new coping mechanisms (also, medication is an excellent tool that could help) or, he feels threatened by your success in business and is seeking to sabotage you to keep you in your place. Counseling is the best and most realistic option for helping him get into a healthy head space. Absence doesnt make the heart grow fonder, it ruins relationships and I am 3 decades in. Its not a geographic nexus of evil or on a Hellmouth or anything, cmon! Thats fine! My Husband Didn't Want Me to Go on Vacation With His Family. Again, not a concern for either of us. I currently live in a part of London that Ive heard described as a no-go area for those reasons. The ugliness. Where I was originally from in Ohio, there are schools that dont have proms because dancing is considered a vice, and thus shouldnt be promoted by a school. So, yeah, count me as baffled by his OMG, VEGAS IS SIN attitude. Im surprised that you specify *rural* Saudi Arabia given that Saudi Arabia is one of the least egalitarian countries in the world, with virtually no freedom of religion. I cant recall exactly how they recommended to handle it, but it started with asking the spouse about what exactly they feared and coming to a compromise that would address the fear. Couldnt she spend the weekend elsewhere? And myhusband answered, Ididnt want tobring her, but she insisted.Ibooked aticket and went home onthe next plane out. My husband would answer that question with Only if its inside. I don't think it won't be that bad though. But it is a common business trip destination for the reasons others have noted and certainly poses no danger to anyone with common sense. This is a case where you cannot cater to his anxiety or insecurity. If an employee told me that she wasnt able to go, that would result in me having a conversation about expectations and this is not unreasonable. Hopefully the comment section will help the OP see what is going on here. Working Wife, I truly dont know what your marriage is. I thought his friends were objecting to his stance and would even let their spouses go. The extent of our excitement is shopping at the outlets, maybe visiting Hershey and watching movies in our PJs. I wonder if there are other circumstances in which he exhibits similar behavior. My boyfriend loves Las Vegas, Ive gone several times and always have an excellent time. Forget $200, I once needed to add a night to my reservation at the Rio last minute.it was $20. I love my wife and we bought land and a home. Everybody is in agreement! I really hate the bad rap Vegas gets. Its not just irrational, it doesnt even make sense from the control freak point of view. Las Vegas hotels have cameras everywhere. If it's something you really want to do, then I'm sure you can make it work, but it won't be easy. Im handling it by biting the dog that bit me and hes not happy. (Im glad to report that years later she is completely reasonable and sensible about these things and I love her dearly!). So I get the safety concern. I hope this topic can also help someone else facing simalry issues. The touristy gloss. Maybe he's had a long day at work and just wants to relax at home, or maybe he's not feeling well. Do you want to go? Can you believe it? Ideally, you and your husband would support each other in your careers, not have babyish meltdowns. Ive pretty much given up on trips for fun. My husband is just glad he doesnt have to go with me, because more than a couple of days in Las Vegas is like being stuck inside a kaleidoscope. What do you think of the trip? (also +1000 to RabbitRabbit for anxiety manifesting as control theyre not necessarily separate). I dont gamble much. Keep in mind that your partner is occasionally on edge, as being polite throughout an entire family trip can feel like a job." AKA: Don't be surprised if your partner gets moody. He may make it seem like you are choosing your career over your marriage, which of course causes you to feel guilty, but as my good friend said recently youre not choosing your career over him, youre choosing yourself over him. Im trying to take that advice to heart OP, hope you can too! Ifthis isjust aone-time thing, and heusually shares himself freely with you, then itmay betime for him tolook atwhy hedidnt want you there inthe first place. This is none of his business and catering to his insecurities is not your responsibility. It will also be a lot easier with a hotel stop overnight; we did not do this, but it still wasn't difficult. Maybe so, but I know plenty of people who, as JenB says above, have anxiety and dont express it in toxic and gendered ways that were really talking about two problems. Yeah, I was in Vegas just a couple of weeks ago. Who was the genius with the idea to build a tourist trap in a desert? I wonder if OPs husband has watched too much CSI? I think OP and her husband are from a more conservative background. Thats another reason to put off discussions the information just wont register with him while hes anxious. In fact, couples counseling can be a useful path to helping a partner address individual issues that are affecting the partnership. So give yourself permission to stop trying, OP. Trotting out the results of a bogus survey is classic manipulation, in many sectors. You cant expect someone with a broken leg to ski down a mountain; you cant expect someone in an irrational state of fear to behave in a reasonable manner *in the moment*. Thats a bright, flashing red sign. For example, my wife likes to go for walks, and sometimes takes a scenic route while enjoying herself outside (She loves hiking and exploring in nature). That is not rational and that is not how business or marriages work. I knew that Counsling was the best step but I needed professional advice to confirm my thoughts. Never mind that this area was completely safe and middle-class; never mind that the apartment complex had 24-hour security; gated parking; never mind that this Mexican restaurant is not a whole in the wall, is regularly featured on Food Network, and is a regular spot for bringing out-of-town clients for virtually every company in our city. Vegas is a perfectly lovely city where people raise families and everything!! Leave the argument and do that as consistently as you can. Seriously, I think most of my husbands friends have been to Las Vegas at some point for their jobs, no matter what their jobs are. I have been to Vegas twice (both in the same calendar year), once with my wife when she was attending a conference (hobby, not work related) and the second time with my (at the time) elementary school aged daughter. She is not the nicest mother in law, either. But VEGAS?! And Im sure theres a lot more I dont know about. Well, yeah, it has a bad rep, that they intentionally, though jokingly, promote with the What happens in Vegas and Sin City marketing campaigns. It seems infinitely more likely that what they actually said was yeah man, that sucks, I dont know why she wouldve broken up with you as sympathy and he took it that way, but either way, you dont date by committee! husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. On the other hand, the OP could surely use some help in setting some reasonable boundaries and communicating as effectively as possible in the circumstances. On which I shared my personal experience and directed to resources where these be explored further. They figure the guys didnt want any young white foreigners getting caught up in some kind of scuffle but still Dont start trouble, you wont get trouble! It might even be a wonderful idea, under the right circumstances. Yes some people are probably going to jump all over me but let's be realistic here. If possible, Id suggest both individual and joint counseling. I also tried talking through some of his wilder concerns. Biking to work? I wasnt allowed to take late classes in school bc good girls dont stay out after dark. oceans apart 3 teile gratis. Thank you so much for your response! Bringing your spouse along on a work trip only works some of the time, and it definitely doesnt work if the spouse has already exhibited controlling behavior. My husband was recently sent to Vegas for a week on two days notice and my response was pretty much the same. That didnt make me feel better for the Letter Writer. Ill throw this out too just in case. Post author By ; impossible burger font Post date July 1, 2022; southern california hunting dog training . Its fine. No amount of marriage counseling will fix controlling. Its just such a common conference/trade show city! Shed never thought about it because shed only seen the Strip depictions. Sometimes, when a spouse accuses you of cheating out of thin air, its because they themselves are cheating, and now they see it everywhere else as a coping mechanism for justifying their own behavior. Did I stand out? I called home from a pay phone on the street around 10pm UK time and she freaked out because I was outside, at night, with nobody around who knew me! Sure, its too much if youre super conservative, but then the root of the debate is not Las Vegas itself. It can be challenging to know when to kind of cater to her anxiety (she is able to relax much better if I check the door locks before bed than if she does it, so I do it but never more than once a night), and when to decide that her worry about a particular issue has passed the point where I can be supportive and is just on her to manage (I refuse to provide reassurance for a 7th round of what if this offhand comment I made at work was overheard by the wrong person and totally misinterpreted and I get fired and then I cant find another job and then we lose the house?). Congratulations, his friends are ALSO sexist and manipulative. Theres a section in the book Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You, by Susan Forward and Donna Frazier, that deals with a spouse like the OPs someone trying to manipulate their spouse away from going on an important business trip. Im pretty sure most religious counselors would see the ridiculousness of his position too. Vegas is not somewhere Id vacation, but conferences there are very smooth and convenient. The conference hall manager looked at my colleaguewho requested a kosher meallike they were crazy. What to Expect supports Group Black and its mission to increase greater diversity in media voices and media ownership. I care about your son's emotional health, the emotional damage he will suffer, when this emotional abuser of an ex tells his lies about you. Ill wait. Assuming you havent given him real cause for those worries (like a history of cheating), this is insulting to you and awful for the health of your relationship. Use of this site is subject to our terms of use and privacy policy. I get heated at the principle of spouses letting each other do things. His concerns are irrational, the trip is a reasonable expectation from your employer, and so you need to go and let him manage his feelings about it. If it was possible to take him along I could see that potentially helping if the main issue is wrong information and assumptions. You really really need to have those shirts washed in that way? I highly doubt these people genuinely agree with him, but are more likely playing the supportive friend role. Jeez, we all married the same guy. I mean, marriage counseling could still be useful, but an anxiety screening, too. I might include a warning when I announce the event though thats like, even though this event is in Las Vegas, XCorp still expects its employees to hold themselves to our high standard of professionalism or whatever. even though this event is in Las Vegas, XCorp still expects its employees to hold themselves to our high standard of professionalism, My team goes to DC every year for a conference and I always tell them something like, The conference schedule is packed and unfortunately were not going to have any time for sightseeing or tourism. I just caught that you were the main provider in your home. Sorry if I didnt tie that up explicitly enough. By letting him chaperone her once I worry that now hell believe this is reasonable and that he should chaperone all future work travel then all interactions with male colleagues, in public, etc. A decade? I think that makes all the difference hereOP doesnt just have a grinding job. Its the inappropriate (in typical American business culture) reaction of the husband thats the issue here, not whether its legitimate to try and get out of business trips sometimes. Hopefully, a good counselor will see what, if any, underlying issues may be playing into this mess and refer him in the right direction. Yeah, I was hoping the OPs business trip wasnt over this weekend , This post was one of my first thoughts when I heard about the shooting . And lets not forget: its entirely possible for someone to dabble in being a controlling, selfish jerk without really rising to the level of abuse or being an abuser. And its great he enjoys the time alone, we get to talk about interesting stuff weve both done when I get back, we both get time to decompress in ways which benefit us the most. 8 1 11 1. My husband doesn't want to go because of the 14 hour car ride. I dont think its either/or, necessarily. We are the City That Never Sleeps, remember? Asking for baseline respect should not be a fraught conversation. Im a husband sometimes prone to irrational fears about if my wife is okay. And while anxiety is common, abuse is even more so. These are normal things that a lot of people encounter at some point; if your relationship as it currently stands doesnt have room to address them, its past time to get some help to straighten it out. Ive traveled to all kinds of interesting destinations where Ive only seen the inside of the airport and conference rooms. is a really good sign! Hes not thinking logically already, so adding logic isnt going to change his mind. Could also be a mix of the two, or something nobody has thought of yet. 7. This is very aptly put Anonymous Poster. What level of dealing with him can you actually do during these three days AND be able to focus on your work stuff? Its not about what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, its about Vegas has made themselves a very strong event destination, and that includes for regular businesses.. Oh thats my mothers thing, too. Anger can feel like a reward I always feel more assertive and more in control when Im angry than when Im anxious (and theres a lot of overlap between anger and anxiety anyway, thanks to physical arousal and adrenaline). Id go with the anxiety answer first. We stay at mid-level resorts and usually pay about $40 a night. And who are all these people in his scientific study that are so against letting their SO go to Las Vegas for a business trip?? same. I went for the first time over the summer. Hes worrying that someone might hurt her, too. When your income is needed, you can take fewer risks by opting out of stuff at work. I want to push back, snark, in case anyone else reading sees your comment and decides that couples isnt a good course of action because the issue is with one person in the couple. When I talk to my friends nowadays (still in Ohio, btw! I didnt sign up for this. The second I walked in the front door I thought this is exactly the type of place where the murder of the week happens in almost every episode. The timelines even fit perfectly. I gave the ring back soon after. Marriage counseling is good for her so she can express her love for me without sounding like a hypochondriac. This makes a lot of sense, and I think its a good strategy. Usually these things build up over time and abusive relationships (even if not intentionally abusive even if the partner really does have anxiety or whatever and is not TRYING to be controlling!)

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