still sad 10 years after divorce
10 years is more than enough my dear. Needing to be right. Although it may be different than the one you imagined, after a divorce you do still have a future to look forward to. She is the single mother of two boys. My heart remains unresolved. But the pain lingers under the surface always. 'Real Housewives of Atlanta': Drew Sidora Is Getting Divorced It's a process that's extremely tough from start to finish, and you can still feel emotional weeks, months, and even years after you and your former partner have split. I did not handle the divorce well. I WAS MARRIED 30 YEARS When she left . I am still sick about all of the deceit after being together since high school. Later she said no, I guess not and went on to a great life without nice. Thank you for finding those words. Related: Healing From A Relationship With A Narcissist Before jumping ahead to the realities of life after divorce from a narcissist, it's worth summarizing the tell-tale traits of self-absorbed personality.. 7 Traits of a Narcissist I see my future as being alone for the rest of my life, Im too exhausted and too busy careing for OUR severely disabled daughter. Although my ex did apologize, he never really clarified WHY he left. He was a longtime alcoholic, but quit (cold turkey) four or five years before he left. Why are you holding onto it? In the past 5 years I have gained more confident. "acceptedAnswer": { Youre still living in the past, ruminating on what should have been instead of focusing on what is and what will be. I also recognize my own responses as a function of marital expectations formed in the way I was raised, and my vision for what constitutes family. I was told many times by her and our therapist that I was too attached, I loved her to much. All the you statements are certainly not appropriate. 7 Cures to Move on From the Lingering Loneliness After Divorce These are the steps I took to provide an escape hatch from the intensity of the loneliness that I felt. Ask Fiona: Two years after my divorce I still feel so lonely and The rise of 'gray divorce,' as couples over age 50 split. On the midst of the storm, He has given me peace. He sat in our porch the week before he left, sobbing. I put together this: Ex- had removed $70,000 from her retirement account that never showed up in her interrogatory. The Psychological Effects of Divorce on Kids - Verywell Family - Know The residual anger,. Thank you for this - sadly after 20 years and 2 young kids we split 3.5 years ago. So I hope and pray that she sees that Im a different man Ive worked on myself for five years and finally listen to the Lord and except no for a no from somebody . And I have not been able to shake my own love for him, even though he hurt me so deeply. } As for looking to a new love, I have no desire. As time goes on, there are less and less bad days, and more good ones . Dealing With Infidelity Years Later - Marriage I thought I was taking forward steps. You may have realized this after ten years; there is no need to worry, accept and take the challenge and be assured that in a short while, and pain will be past tense. My Divorce is Almost Final. And the Feelings Aren't What I Expected. I find it hard to understand and accept that a loving man (believe me he loved all women) could sever his life so fully, walk away and turn into a man I never knew. After he left (she demanded he move in almost straight away) he needed counselling and at one point was close to a breakdown. She took the house, my business, my kids my heart and happiness. 1. I thought is wasnt normal to still feel guilty 10 years later. But I still think what I did, in leaving him was the worst thing I've ever done or will ever do and it absolutely breaks my heart. house, kids, American Dream. You just have to do the work and know some days you will still feel sadness. Ive been alone for over 12 years, the pain has definitely lessened, but there are times it still hurts & always will. I will give my daughter away to her man at the alter with trepidation and, as has been said, I will smile whilst enduring the pain of a family event without the man with whom I created her. How to Beat Divorce Depression (17 Tips) - Survive Divorce I love how it allows us to feel and to be ok with the idea that we are sad despite our happiness. ", Done. It becomes manageable, but thats about it. I too get sad in these all too often moments Then I feel the empty space profoundly not for a man I do not miss but where a family history of four ought to be. Our youngest daughters future events such as marriage, graduations, etc., that we now have to be a part of as separate families, instead of being proud together and sharing that moment with each other, Im sitting alone glaring at my ex, reliving the whole scene of him walking out on me with a younger model going on vacations and living it up while I am barely getting 3 hours sleep a night. Divorce is like living with a painful wound with which you learn to live for a very long time. I didnt even know he was unhappy, he wrote me a love song a few weeks before he left; confusion. The unearthing of secrets when, like a woman possessed, I became Miss Marple, Agatha Christie would have approved. "acceptedAnswer": { if I ever get another chance with her I will treat her as a queen . We have two daughters, one who has special needs that is 24/7 high acuity care, and Im angry. Being the spouse left behind hurts tremendously. Good behavior towards your ex will help you overcome the heartbroken experience that you have had all along for a long time. Divorce is like living with a painful wound with which you learn to live for a very long time. Marriages are meant to be enjoyed, not endured. Grand children . This is the best article I have read on this topic. He didnt ask for forgiveness, nor can I find it in my heart to forgive him the hurt and emptiness is too deep. I wish him a happy life after all, if you truly love someone, you want them to be happy, even if it is not with you. New hopes, dreams, and opportunities arent going to come to you if you arent emotionally free and receptive. 11. But the empty presence has never gone for me I was 51 when he left and I have no trust to even think of a new partner. Divorce was 5 years ago. People wait an average of three years after a divorce to remarry (if they remarry at all). So when I need to cry, I just let it out. If we don't bounce back, that means the healing is. Well what I get out of it is I love her and hope and pray to the Lord that I get another opportunity with her since neither one of us are seeing or dating anyone after five years, And the reason why I dont trust other women is the result I got out of dating women the first two years trying to replace her which I could not I thought about her the entire time .The reason why I trust her is I created this mess and caused her to leave I was not the man I shouldve been . I didnt think it would affect me but, it has. Some of the common signs of depression are mentioned in an article by psy.com. Divorce can be worse than dying. After a breakup, I like most people, feel like a shell of a woman, with no hope for a better future. At these events, we were supposed to be celebrating together as a couple, as a family, as one. Not all things cost money that you can do or see! You might feel disconnected or sad, even if you wanted the relationship to end. You need to remember that you still have a future. "@type": "FAQPage", ", Purpose to become happy, engage in a relationship that matters and invests in yourself in a better way. Heres the thing, what hurts the most for me right now is still not having found another love. My life is so wonderful, so why the sadness; Im mostly content, why the emptiness? Not only would they not understand, but they would wonder if it all was just for revenge. Mistake #1: Feeling Like a Failure It hasnt been that long. He appears to be very happy whilst me, not so much. Divorce at this point takes the order of the day. This so much speaks to me . Are you talking to anyone on a regular basis about how you are feeling? I feel bad for my children always going in 2 directions and not having the support It doesnt undo the bittersweet clarity that when I look into my sons faces, I see my dad (long deceased) and my exs mother (whom I once loved), both of whom are no longer in my life. The worst part came a couple years later as I was sorting through papers to be destroyed. I never realized you could love to much. And my bitterness prevents me from speaking to her, despite her efforts to remain friends. You may consider it phantom pain, but its pain nonetheless. Your ex will find his happy life isnt all he thought it would be.mine surely didnt, but hes stuck with it now. He blamed me and said he had been unhappy for years. Only now I realise all that I feel, others feel too. it has been 5 years she is with no one and I am not eather . True Life: My Parents Divorce Still Affects Me - Oklahoma City Mom Divorce Statistics and Facts | What Affects Divorce Rates in the U.S.? Dear Sugars, I'm a middle-aged father of one teenage girl. Children from divorced families may experience more externalizing problems, such as conduct disorders, delinquency, and impulsive behavior than kids from two-parent families. The pain visits quite infrequently now (thank god) but once in a while it still hits me, hard. Some changed for the better, some are still works in progress. And its hard to have to share my daughter and grandchildren with my exs affair-partner-now-wife. And the Feelings Aren't What I Expected. This article really resonates with me. Recognize this for what it is: A personal full-blown pity party. As others, I am so glad I found this article, and reading the comments I now realise I am not being stupid. At times one may not be the person who was intending to break the marriage, and if it came from your partner, then it becomes tough to overcome the grief, are you still in pain 10 years later? }. There are tactics you can use the get passed the pain, I promise. 2019 Divorced Moms. Thank goodness our children are grown and have started families of their own, so no coparenting or custody to deal with. Give yourself that time to focus on what will make YOU happy. My divorce happened suddenly and unexpectedly (to me) 12 years ago after 26 years of marriage. Friends dont understand, and my only comfort is my faith in God and lots and lots of prayer. March 2, 2023, 8:09 AM. AOL email is no longer cool, and it's time to move on: Patinkin I still cry daily for my marriage but also as a single parent of an autistic son and tween girl life is tough. I feel so sad for anyone in this position, and hope they get some relief in their situation. And I can see now that my ex and I had probably wrung everything we could out of our marriage, so I try to be grateful for the opportunity to become my own person in a way I dont think I ever would have had he not ended things. Why rock my boat. Through much pain and even more growth, Ive built a wonderful new life for myself, but I still grieve sometimes for what was lost. I know it is possible to lose conscious contact with that inner peace and love, and I know how tempting it is to think that our love walked away when we parted ways with our dream mate - but if you perpetuate this delusion you cause yourself much more pain.One of the best tools for moving on and letting go of past traumas, regrets, losses and so on - is Meridian Tapping/EFT. However, there are plenty of ways to fight off the causes of depression, and a good support group will help you get through the worst parts of the divorce without it having a major impact on your life moving forward. Transformational Coaching and Psychotherapy, Benjamin Schwarcz, MFT, ACAP-EFT, Santa Rosa Psychotherapist and Coach, Psychedelic Somatic Interactional Psychotherapy, EFT Clinical Consultation for Health Professionals, Tapping Into Joy: Meridian Tapping and Mindfulness for Depression. And sadness. Deep down, if she tried to come back, Id take her back. I love my daughter dearly and wouldnt want it any other way. And believe me, its been so hard and heartbreaking. The final dagger was my grandparents will 23 years ago (which I had forgotten, never thinking anything like this would happen) giving me 20 acres of land in Indiana, inheritance is not included in divorce settlement. Think Im going to leave her too. I am not sure of what to do. No anger but deep deep hurt. Wishing you all the best Emotions After Divorce - The Importance of the Emotional Divorce That alone really destroys me when I think about it but I have to be strong for my little granddaughter who I have not met yet but one day I hope to. "name": "Does divorce hurt even after years? I do not want to be with my ex as he did some very bad things, but I mourn for the loss of our whole family as a unit and broken promises. I have tried to console myself by saying, "leaving my ex was the most compassionate thing I could do since he deserved to be desired by someone". Thank God I found this. I highly suggest a good therapist to help you. We just needed to voice our shared experience. I had an amicable split, ex was unhappy & I miss him & the good times and I Harbor so much guilt for not being the wife I should've been. Toughing it out. A word I'd wished for so long to hear. College, med school, residency and air force payback and then he left us, filed while he was in another country. It helped me process all my pent up sorrow since theres no one in my group of friends or family I would like to share this with. I wish all who have experienced this, the best of strength and happiness. Below are some tips to help one know what to follow when divorce still hurts. I am glad I read this. He sees them now as we live 5 minutes away. I cannot see me ever loving another man and would I find another at 62? Every former boyfriend has told me I am still in love with him. crying spells. When people live together as a husband and wife, they love each other and treasure each moment that they spend. Acceptance is the final stage of loss. I have a great relationship now and am engaged. "@context": "https://schema.org", Many couples never recover from divorce because of feeding their minds with evil thoughts about your past marriage, calling and abusing your ex-partner. Ive been divorced many, many years, but it still hurts sometimes. I cannot deny that when I hear echoes of family jokes that trace back to my childrens early childhood, I flash immediately to other days. I became a shell of a person. I am still lost, but all the replies I read show my hurting is not alone. No doubt my personal history comes into play as well; I was single into my 30s having declined a few proposals, deferring marriage until I was ready, convinced I had made an excellent choice. How to Avoid the Top 10 Mistakes Women Make After Divorce And regardless of its source, shouldnt we be allowed to acknowledge it when it returns, free to express our feelings openly? In addition, research suggests people who experience a significant life event such as divorce are 2.5 to 9.4 times more likely to develop depression. Its like I never existed in her world. A lot of it hit home with me. I only ever did what I thought was best for my children at the time, but guess that wasnt enough. I went through the divorce process in a daze, devastated. He aluded to not being happy This is not the life I wanted etc. Can you be completely happy after divorce? I live my life, then something triggers the pain all over again, even a simple thing like a beautiful sunset: why isnt he here to share this? Its like a phantom limb. Dont allow bitterness to rule I know it isnt easy, but we have no choice but to accept what has happened & deal with it. When we married I thought the deal was made for life. It hurts badly, no matter how long. Many times people start dating immediately while healing has not taken place making them suffer even more. I feel I was used long enough to help her get her Masters degree and pay bills then I was no longer needed. I feel completely abandoned and alone. My children are grown and many milestones are coming up. I do not miss him, nor do I want him back, I feel like I served my time so to speak after 15 1/2 years of marriage. "@type": "Answer", The chances of you still loving your ex-husband or wife even after a divorce are high; you lived with this person and might even have thought it would work out for the rest of your lives. Intense anger may be the main reason most former spouses have no interest in. An example is engaging in mind teasing activities, for instance going back to school for your masters on a part-time basis. What are Dirty Thunderstorms and When Do They Appear? How To Deal With Depression After Divorce My career has suffered. It looks pretty hurtful from where I stand. I pray daily for all those who have been broken by betrayal and abandonment. Im mostly happy, but the corners stay sad. I am happy for her and my kids to be having a good life but it still hurts to be left behind. Similar experience for me I met my ex at age 19, he divorced me at age 60 to be with his still-married coworker. Worrying That Your Husband Isn't Really Sorry About The Affair Is A Common Reason For Being Stuck: As I said, I often see common themes or issues in wives who haven't been able to move on. My head knows the Lawsuit has no value. }] The marriage deteriorated. Hang on there, you are so precious to God, and there is not one moment whatsoever that He has not been by your side, He will carry you thru this. We have 2 grown children now1 doing very well, the other still trying to find his way. She got healed from the pain of leaving her marriage, and by the time they came back home, she was mentally prepared to start dating again since all her hurts were healed. I often hear wives say things like: "Sure, he's sorry . I found those comments an insult to the (what I thought) was a good marriage of course we had our ups and downs and a loving partnership. On a recent morning, I hung up the phone with my divorce attorney. I am not happy but it still gives me joy to see my kids and grandkids and makes me smile. My situation is without the financial issues now. A divorce can be painful for both people - start new . And the recent weddings for two of our sons? I am so sickened by the whole thing, and so, so sad. You need to get out of your head and into your life. "@type": "Answer", The grief of your family broken or split is for sure the hardest thing to get over But it still hurts and may always. Some people are never positive about their well-being. You may continue hurting 10 years later because of being fed with negative information of your ex-wife thereby holding you from getting over your past hurts. As the publication noted, it's possible that this split could get messy as both parties reportedly raced to file . Ali November 14, 2015 At 1:56 pm. We were married for 15 years. You arent able to create what society defines as a nuclear family but, if youre receptive, you are able to create a family any child, especially an orphan would love to be part of. Shared custody, full custody, whatever custody a parent is granted; theres a brokeness that will never be repaired. The process of divorce brings forth a torrent of pain, anger and cruelty, the detritus of which still hangs over me like a cloud. There are several factors that may contribute to the sadness that is coming up for you post-divorce, including how tied your identity is to your ex-partner and whether you've allowed yourself to fully grieve. Studies show that men feel empty, guilty, anxious, depressed, deep loss, and strong dependency needs of which they . Especially finding out about the other persons affair 2 years later and how it was happening for much longer. But I wish we never got divorced. I do not want to feel this pain ever again. My exhusband moved on quickly and even has a new baby. And then the pandemic hit. Oh, so difficult! We all grieve differently. I do hope this improves with time. Three kids and 15 years later we divorced. Remember that you can make it on your own, have a positive mindset and accept to move on. All you have to do is Be Still and trust in God, He will take care of the rest. Ray J . But, I was wrong. I wa interested in this website. When you ask your 21 year old how her mom is doing ,she says not good and starts sobbing. The story is almost the same, two wonderful boys and was married for 17 years. But if a marriage is in shambles, then its better for it to be called off than to remain in pain and hurts for the rest of your life. I had an amazing marriage, and I loved being a husband. I thought I was the only person who had these feelings as other people seem to move on so quickly. Symptoms of divorce-related depression can include any, or a combination of, the following: Sudden loss of interest in things you once enjoyed Loss of appetite Increase in appetite Weight loss or gain Difficulty sleeping Excessive irritability Rage Sudden insomnia Increased fatigue Difficulty focusing or concentrating Difficulty making decisions I don't know exactly how I feel about that. But thats good, hes learning from his father, its ok to feel certain emotions, no matter how much time has passed. Claiming benefits on your ex-spouse triggers what is known as a spousal benefit, which is worth a maximum of 50% of the retirement . I wish I could tell people it gets better but it does not when you miss the love of your life. Its so tremendously hard to share these with the people (ex-husb and woman from affair now married, plus their families) that stood by and made my life absolutely miserable for a few years. As I feel like I should be over it 6 years on but Im not. Not Interested In Dating After Divorce? You're Not Alone! It hurts and brings confusion to the children. After a divorce, you're going to cycle through a spectrum of emotions and more than just sadness or jubilation. The descriptors are poignant and cathartic to say the least. For people who already live with depression . Life after divorce: what it really feels like to end a marriage Dwelling on what you should have done. We must live with the choices we made and carry on, I dont feel bitter just very sad x, Yes, that is exactly what we & countless others must do. As for my children, I hope I have been a model of resourcefulness and curiosity, of determination and positivism. Know how you feel, Sheila, & there is no easy way through the pain. Its like I never existed, shared so many things together. If left for another person, the pain is unbearable at times. If you do find yourself feeling depressed, do not feel like you are alone and please seek medical advice immediately. Valerie and Jennifer hit it right on. Add in a young child, and the other spouse refusing to work on things, rather, cut bait and get out immediately with no reason. That includes old school values like honoring commitments, following through on responsibilities, working through issues rather than walking away. My goals and dreams have suffered. My ex gave up her life,family and friends in another country to marry me 30 years ago. Thank you for expressing and sharing your thoughts.
