I am not saying that me cheating on him is justified because he cheated on me. We have been married for 15 years. I know I shouldn't have cheated on him, I know that. This is especially true because a lack of trust can bring about insecurity, instability, and resentment. 226Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland. For further details of our complaints policy and to make a complaint please click this link: thesun.co.uk/editorial-complaints/, Independent Press Standards Organisation (IPSO). One of the things that we explain to our clients is that a genuine apology given in a moment of closeness can make all the difference. Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk. I honestly hope my daughter hates her mother for this and her mother rots in hell for it. Before I knew it, Id had a few beers and I didnt feel okay enough to drive home, and by that time my husband was asleep (he has to get up at 4am for work) so I was stuck waiting at the bar. By being able to stick together through challenges, you can build a deeper and more meaningful bond with the person you love. Sometimes, a neutral professional in a safe space can help you to talk more freely and honestly than you would alone. My Husband Had an Affair, and Now Hes Claiming to Be Impotent, Some Unexpected Effects You Might Experience When Your Spouse Cheats or Has an Affair. Whatever his expressed reaction, there may be more under the surface that needs to be explored. / I Cheated On My Husband, I Feel Guilty; Can I Confess To Him? That broke my heart because i was a very decent girl and infact he disvirgined me after 4 years into our courtship after i had graduated from UI. The Sun website is regulated by the Independent Press Standards Organisation (IPSO), Our journalists strive for accuracy but on occasion we make mistakes. Nairaland - Copyright 2005 - 2023 Oluwaseun Osewa. Sometimes when you have to find out about the affair from someone else (or even worse, the person who has been cheating with your spouse) your reaction is far worse than when your spouse had the decency to tell you themselves. He needs to realise theres no relationship without trust, and there can be no trust in yours unless he takes responsibility for his lies. It made me feel excited and needed. Sharing your fail stories with others can set you free from the bounds that fail creates because once you are ready to talk about your fails only then you are ready to move forward and leave them behind. Keep telling him that you love him and tell him that you want him to see you Grass is not always greener on the other side. Despite all this you recently had a year-long affair (that he found out about) and now he wants a divorce. The result is that youre going to freeze yourselves in a moment that youre trying to move past. Run away from the fornication and from the person with whom you mentioned this situation. I guess because he is the second man Ive ever slept with but fantasized about having sex with another man for a while even though I am very happy with my sex life with my husband. @ poster, a lady left a message about how he 'enjoyed' your hussy and instead of u confronting him about that ure busy contemplating on whether to tell him that u cheated on him. Cheating on him also opened up my eyes to see that there is better people in this world for me other than Thomas. Now, what if youre sincerely thinking, I was truly happy, so why was Icheating on my husband? What happened here? During the hookup I felt a whirlwind of emotions: disgusted with myself, angry, excited, needed, and then finally content with what was happening. He came home and confronted me and I denied everything. I nursed my cheating husband back to health from severe brain trauma then he cheated again. Complaining about their husbands (yes, most of them are currently married and want to get with me). Sometimes, happy people cheat. I feel like I have shot myself, I was stupid and I thought I was clever. Hes going through a tough time and you showed your true colors during it. And Now Hes Tired of the Fallout From His Affair. And its to prevent that last occurrence that most people stop themselves from doing stupid things. "we went to his house and I began a three year long affair" and ur husband never knew for 3 years ? It took a lot of prompting from the court as well as advice from an attorney before Davino Shakell For information about this website or content published please contact the, Subscribe to NationNews with our Webfeed. I am at peace with my choice and when I step back and take a look at my life now, there is not one thing I would change. And quite frankly, even though confessing to the cheating may well feel like the wrong thing to do right now, thats something which you may never know for sure. Why Would My Cheating Husband Want To Stay With Me? And the fact that you wont tell him is even more disgraceful. He has a such a nice smile and his personality is just really nice. Share your fail. Using myself as an example, I think men are not well equiped to handle issues like this and this could end your marriage abruptly and you wont find support even among your relatives and friends. And I was. He goes to the gym regularly. Everyone who comes. It basically was a dream come true until guys stopped acknowledging me as a girl because I wasn't available. Although You Regret Admitting To Cheating, Your Regret Doesnt Mean That It Was The Wrong Call: Like the wife in this situation, most people regret disclosing the infidelity when the response to the same is worse than they expected. Give your husband everything he wants. Back to what happened not to long after she started her new job about 5 month in her job site lost a co worker to a car accident. To see all content on The Sun, please use the Site Map. We all know you are good at lying, like you did for three years). I couldve called a friend. Long story short I wanted a divorce he begged for a second chance and I broke his heart it hurts me every time I think about it. He made everything seem like a fairy tale. Then as a free woman you dont have to cheat you can do as you like, but men wont respect and value cheating women. We Sucks don't it? It can make it clear how much you truly love each other and what youre willing to do to heal this marriage. I think I broke the vow I made in church before God during the Sacrament of Marriage. husband will find out, co worker will let it slip. He knew I had a boyfriend, but after a while, our sexual attraction seemed to be mutual. His dad passed away 2 weeks ago and I dont want to put more pressure on him. Peace with You, Dear Ones Do not do this again. As always, we are here to help you if you need it. If you want to talk about an issue, wait for a better moment when things are going well. And I'm wondering what kind of story you concocted so that you got sole custody of the kids, and he's not allowed to see them again. When you understand that this is going to be challenging, it makes it easier to persevere when the challenges arise. Confront him about the message on the phone and then work on your r/ship if u choose to. The most fucked up thing about this story is that YOU got full custody Just shows how fucked up the legal system is. The only men willing to be responsible for that is the husband and you lost him. "So one day my husband comes home early to surprise me and tell he got a promotion and he would be able to spend more time with me but he caught me in bed with another man" good now he knows, he wanted the best for you, you had the best. When he sees that youre authentic and that you are consistently the woman that he fell in love with, it will help him heal after an affair and reconnect with you. One day i listened to a voice mail a girl left for him of how much she enjoyed him and how he should not because of marriage forget her as he was too sweet on the bed, this broke my heart because i trusted him and now i realised its not as if he doesnt know how to make love it was my problem. How can I show my husband I regret cheating? You are selfish, and you really don't regret what you did. I was still in love with him, I just wasn't happy with him. Here at Happily Committed, we have coached thousands upon thousands of people all over the world, and we have compiled all of our expertise to provide you with tips and tools that have been proven to be effective. Surely the only way forward is compromise, because it damages a marriage if one parent goes behind the others back playing the good one, leaving the other blacklisted as a meanie. I've been married 12 years and I cheated on my husband twice. So there is often not any perfect outcome. I Cheated On My Husband, I Regret It Can I Tell Him? I have had so many clients who are good people who just happened to make a bad decision when they wound up in a certain situation. She definately cheated down, but I don't care. There was no going back. My Husband is in Absolute Denial About His Affair. I said i dont know what the big deal was as long as you stayed together. By asking you targeted questions, we can design a custom action plan to help you save your marriage ASAP. words,it kind of really difficult to keep that kind of secret,but ur guilt will be taken care of by his own sins,that however does not make it right,am sure u still wants to stay married and it seems there are more issues at the background ,if you are not carefull u will do it again and it will become a pattern ,pls talk to him,he probably does not know of ur pains ,try to talk to him,and get help too,and maybe u will have guts later to tell him ,the timing must be right ,sin ,destroys,take care of ur home ,good luck. So when asked me to marry me I was so happy. This goes hand-in-hand with the lack of communication that I see in so many relationships, which incidentally is one of the biggest relationship killers. No spam, notifications only about news, events and updates. My husband responded a lot more calmly than I thought he would, or than I would. Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors. After cheating, I learned I would much rather be casual than being tied down in an unhappy relationship. This story doesn't seem real.A. I didnt want to lie to my husband or have something this huge between us. Most of the time there arent any consequences, like you can drive through 20 traffic lights as theyre just turning red and not get stopped and then theres that one time when the next thing you hear is a police siren. What could you have on him to pull that off. I said yes" you flirted w/ him and u knew all along what would happen, bitch. WebI nursed my cheating husband back to health from severe brain trauma then he cheated again. Your email address will not be published. Again, our goal is to ensure that youre in a genuinely happy and fulfilling marriage, and part of that involves asking yourself uncomfortable questions. Unfortunately I have met similar "women" like you. You can tell your husband how sorry you are, how youll never do it again and how much you love him, but he may not want to hear it. A lot of my friends think it is weird how close we are now, but we knew we liked each other as people so why not be friends? Think about others before yourself and that would be more respectful to your family than to complain about regrets. So, its not that they necessarily regret having done the right thing. I started my blog to share my daily goods and bads in trying to evolve. Living under this kind of stress may well have negatively affected your marriage also. Yes!!! Its not realistic to expect your spouse to forget about the cheating or pretend that you never told him. How can I fix this and do you have any idea why after 22 years someone would do this to someone they love? Originally published on Unwritten by Jenna Lauren. DEAR DEIDRE: I AM gobsmacked that my cheating husband is so in denial he blames our problems on my trust issues, not his infidelity. We are trying to work things out for the sake of our daughter, but I just feel so gut-wrenchingly No, I Don't Regret It. if you listen to yourself the solution lie within you. YOU then got full custody (probably lying to the court about your ex. Take this quick quiz to see if you can save your relationship, or more importantly, if you should Take this quick quiz to find out where you stand 2019 Happily Committed, LLC. You promised the Lord that you would take responsibility for this man, that you would love and honor him until death separates you that you would do everything possible to present this man to the Lord when you yourself stand before God: Behold, Lord, I and my house which You have entrusted to me to shepherd. Since then, I havent been able to get this out of my mind.Its not the affair that bothers me so much but the dishonesty. Your relationship was rocked by infidelity, but you put in the work to, Is your man dragging his feet when it comes to popping the question? Built using WordPress and. Why am I Still Married When He Cheated on Me? "The Sun", "Sun", "Sun Online" are registered trademarks or trade names of News Group Newspapers Limited. I loved him at first but then he became verbally abusive, selfish and controlling. But you did not. You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page. Also tell him u don't enjoy having sex with him. They say most affairs, especially within marriages, happen at the workplace or with coworkers. Consistency also means cutting contact with potential distractions and giving your husband access to things that he needs to feel safe and secure. To access it, just click the link. If we heard her real story it would sound very different. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. I dont regret my decision to leave, just the way that I did it. i love my wife but the of her office takes her awya fron the family and ofcourse our marriage and sex life was not any better for it. "I miss the way he would take care of me and be there for me" That's because you're only good at sex, you own him everything. Recently, his friend let slip some information about that time, which made me certain hed had an affair. Fortunately, you already understand that and have gone out of your way to find information on how to make things right again. We have been married for 15 years. It can be repaired, but again, its going to take time. I can feel your pain my sister.I think i am qualified to advice you on this matter. But many such affairs or flings never happen because the people consider the consequences and hold back. However, when they put in the effort to analyze what went wrong, why the cheating occurred, and use this to fix their relationship, they realize that it was a huge blessing in disguise. Its important to use this situation as an opportunity to grow and make improvements so that this doesnt wind up happening again. I Cant Stop Thinking My Spouse is a Bad Person After His Affair, Im Afraid that Ill Regret Staying with My Cheating Husband, I Called My Husbands Other Woman a Dirty Name and He Defended Her. My husband is kind,caring,gentle,handsome and has a good figure. The important thing now will be to take this as a valuable lesson and start focusing on solutions! Go fuck yourself, thats a disgusting thing you did. The question for you is does your kids deserve to be punished and used against their father so that you feel better about things? Too many, it seemed I had it together. If you can be yourself and reconnect with your husband, it will make your apology that much more powerful. Have empathy, be remorseful, be consistent, but be yourself. The guy in question (Ill call him Jake) asked me to grab a drink after work. I thought I was falling in love with the man I was having an affair with.But love has never been kind to me. I forced this friend to tell me the truth, and he said my husband had briefly cheated with a woman at work someone hed said he was mentoring. Stop it! Hes good with our kids and others. I recently heard from a wife who said: I cheated on my husband with one of his friends. If this relationship is going to thrive, you both need to be on the same page. We live in a consumer society where were always taught to want more and need more and to never be satisfied. But the more I heard about people doing these crazy sexual things, the more my curiosity lingered. Get over it, "I understend why but I still love him" liar, you love what he brings to you, you love the other who fuck you like no one else, "Now my kids hate me and my friends are upset that I would do that to my husband" that's normal you ain't worth shit, the only weird person here is your husband, such a pussy. They usually felt a lot of guilt, didnt want the lie hanging between them and their spouse, and cared enough about their marriage to bring the cheating out there so that they could heal and move on. I was raped by 4 men when I was 17 and that changed me I was in a dark cloud. No matter how good you are to them it doesnt mean that they will treat you the same way. It goes without saying and in addition to these things, if your intent is to make things right, you will have to ensure that you do not have an affair again. Sadly, its not entirely up to you. There is too much pain and mistrust on both sides that it is impossible for your marriage to recover without the active and committed participation from the two of you. This is going to take time and patience (on both sides). Ive been doing my best to be a better wife to him, and Kids; Quick answerNO! Become a better person is always possible. People are seeing you for what you really are. Might it be that he did the same? If I were you, I would seriously consider going to marital therapy together. My answer is the same every time: it was something I wanted to do for me. Custody; I now can attest to that. Pretty soon, he would only text back once a day or not at all so I really didn't know where we stood. U know ur husband and how he reacts to issues so i'll break it down like this: - If he there is any chance that he could find out what u did, then perhaps u should tell him before he does. You deserve to grow from this experience, find new friends and become a stronger, more self-sufficient and trustworthy person. Another thing that I often work on with my clients who want to make sure that they can prevent breaking up is trust. I said we should take things slow, I encouraged him to see other women. so you fucked your perfect husband over then and ruined his life by taking the kid away aswell WELL DONE!!!!! Also I am writing about marriage problems and doing research contributions about cheating and all the psychology problems due with it. Sounds just like my ex wife you deserve to be unhappy you dirty slag. A mutually supportive community where deeply emotional things you can't tell people you know can be told. After working with so many people, we can confidently tell you what works and what doesnt, so you have come to the right place. I also realized that cheating is not for me either; it's something I could never do again. So they suspect that something is wrong with them because of this. I sincerely wish you all the best in life and love, Your coach when youre thinking I cheated on my husband. During the hookup I felt a whirlwind of emotions: disgusted with myself, angry, excited, needed, and then finally content with what was happening. We had an argument two nights ago about him never having time for me and we barely do the thing anymore. I .. "He was very muscular strong good looking very sexy" No one can't blame you it's nature, "and offered to take me home. I cant assign a percentage to how many married people would like to have the occasional fling, but certainly lots would, and some do. Keeping them away from their father only begets more pain to yourself and it wont allow for you to forgive yourself. Webby Annette(NC, U.S.) My husband and I have been separated a little over a year. And you would continue to feel guilty. The affair was sex and breaking of trust which is hard for someone to earn back. I dont know why I did it. You both need to heal and deal with the aftermath of cheating. Afghanistans Top High School Graduate Fears for Her Future. I feel like have been fighting inevitability. You had a man who was willing to forgive you after you cheated for no reason. If possible, let it be between you and the Lord. You know him better than anybody would suggest. Eventually your ex will not be paying child support, will not be paying alimony, and you will be living in some trailer somewhere. When we came home on break, I asked him to meet me so we could talk. Now my husband has filed for divorce. why hurt yourself while he enjoys what he does? Ive lost him and I dont know how to move on. We are all human beings and sometimes even the best of us wind up having a lapse in judgment and can do something extremely regrettable. Its a choice you have to actively make every single day. I cannot stress enough what this does to you. I pray you learn some compassion, kindness and self worth because the betrayal follows you and you dont want to let that define your childrens life, your ex husband life and to put it in a selfish way which often is involved with cheating you dont want that to define who you are. I got the summons and I have 2 days left and I can't seem to contact or seek a lawyer. He will likely need some time. If he picks up on the fact that youre not consistent about your efforts to repair the damage, youre going to lose credibility, and this is something that will undermine the relationship very, very quickly. Is infidelity ever justified? He broke up with the girl he was dating before me because she cheated on him so I knew how he was going to react. |. I say: "So, he's a bad guy, but you had four kids with him, he works crazy hours while you stay at home and do nothing, you live in a 4000 sq ft house, he bought YOU a new car while he drives his old truck.